Friday, October 21, 2005
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i am, by any standards, the worst gf in the world. although leo doesn't think so, i do!!! i'm so demanding and i expect way too much.. when i don't get my way, i get so fucking pissed! i get bitchy and vulgar!!! but weirdest thing is that i hurt myself more for hurting him than he is hurt himself....he's been so patient.. he knows im going the worst time now coz of the damn bloody exams.. and he's been so blardy patient. why the fuckin fuck am i such a distressed beyatch! wtf is wrong with me???!?!?!?!? i really shouldnt be like this. im not like this!!
maybe its coz i know i won't have him for long.. i just want him all for myself now! i know for 2 fucking years, i won't have him here when i need him.. it's going to be harder than i thought it'll be.. i really don't wanna think of how it'll be when he finally leaves... i think i need to sort myself out now... b4 i become fucking hyterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!
he's leaving for China with his mum tmr.. and i'm so gonna fucking miss him like fuck!!!!!!!!!! i'll take the time to fully concentrate on exams though..
Hari Raya is coming and balls! i'm NOT looking forward to it. i'm so bored of it. it's such a routine. why can't it be anymore exciting?!?! i dont know.. im just being such a bitch right now..
i didn't know loving someone so much can hurt me.... and funniest thing is? i don't even know what he did to make me so hurt. i'm hurting myself. he's not doing anything.. i really should stop. im not like this. i've never been. but but but but but.......he's leaving... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. it's so fucking hard on me man. he assures me that everything's gonna be alright. I KNOW it will be.. but it's going to be so hard to not have him around. 6 whole years, i've been so dependent on him.. i should have known better.. i have to be independent now. i can't depend on him to ALWAYS be there for me... i have to get thru this! i must! and i'm gonna need him to help me thru this...
i spent the day with him today b4 he went to work..... i'm going to his place again tmr morning till he leaves for work.. i wish he didn't work.. but i'll be selfish if i didn't let him..
i wish i wish i wish...
i know i know! those reading this right now might think i'm really a spoilt one.. hell yea i am! and i'm always gonna be like this!
ps: oli called today and i was so fuckin happy. i missed her like so much!!! she forced my bro to wake me up from my nap.. hehe she said "eh big tetek! wake up la!". haha fuckin typical. called me to ask bout leo and we caught up for a bit.. i cant wait to emet her after the exams.. i miss her oh too much. i love u oli pompipi!
| name fought for sanity @ 2:03 AM|
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